18th JUNE 2015

LOSS

It's a hard word to comprehend. It's a hard thing to cope with.

We all deal with loss in different ways, I wish someone could of told me how to cope and I guess the truth is I've been lucky. That changed this morning, I had been expecting the phone call, but then it came, and I just felt myself crumble.

My Grandad was an amazing man, full of life, full of energy, a cheeky man who saw the good in everyone. He'd been unwell for a while, and the last few months had been worse. As a family we all knew today was coming, he was in pain and I never wanted that for him. At the same time today has been one of the hardest days of my life. I just keep thinking he's not really gone and he'll be back to his cheeky ways soon. I guess some point over the next few days it will suddenly sink in, and I'll have another good cry. There's part of me that's happy for him, that pain and hurting has gone and as my great uncle said earlier ''He's been promoted to heaven''. My Grandad would be super proud of that comment, he's with the lord now and I'm glad of that.

Loss is not an easy thing to cope with whenever. Today has been a hard day for me but the truth is I had been lucky in a way. Grandad is the first real person I have lost, I've had a few family friends and my great grandparents but I was either too young or I didn't really know them that well. I know it's going to be hard because I've never really been through this before.

I've tried to put on a brave face today for Amelie's sake. She's a 2 year old little girl who has been through way too much already for a girl her age. She knew though, she knew something wasn't right. All I got was 'oh no mummy upset, it's ok, we'll have cuddles'. What more could I need as a mum then a daughter like that. One day when she's a bit bigger, I'll remind her all about her great Grandad, how much he loved her and how he loved to play with her.

Grandad I Love you and always will
R I P